Child's Play
by Nightstar Phoenix
Summary: A Fowlock/Kid!lock story. (Co-authored by Neverland8) The misadventures of siblings Sherlock and Angeline Holmes as they attempt to pry their brother Mycroft from his schoolwork to play with them. [Inspired by the tumblr Fowlock headcanon]
1. Flies and Spiders

**Disclaimer: Co-authored by the brilliant Neverland8. Neither of us own BBC Sherlock or the Artemis Fowl series. Neither of us created this headcanon. And, last but not least, neither of us owns _The Hobbit._**

**A/N: Well all you need to understand for this story is the headcanon, submitted by an anon to the BBC Sherlock Headcanons blog on tumblr, which states that Angeline Fowl, Artemis's mum, is Sherlock and Mycroft's sister. KUDOS TO YOU, ANON, OUR HERO.**

**Also the ages are as follows: Mycroft is about sixteen, Sherlock is about eight, Angeline is about four or five.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Flies and Spiders

* * *

"If you don't open the door, I'll pick the lock and barge in!"

Sherlock was surprised when his elder brother, reportedly up to his eyes in schoolwork, complied. A smug grin spread over the little boy's face, but suddenly disappeared as Mycroft began to block the door with strips of silver duct tape.

"That's not fair!" Sherlock protested. "Mummy said not to close us out!"

"Mummy said not to shut the door," Mycroft argued coolly, "And she also told _you_, young man, not to disturb me while I'm doing my homework. Now don't pout! Go play with Angeline."

"But we want to play with _you,_ Myles!" Sherlock pleaded, using the nickname his little sister had given his brother.*****

"I'll play with you after I'm finished with my work." the door now properly patched up, Mycroft stood and walked back to his desk.

"All you ever do is work!" Sherlock yelled angrily through the duct tape. "You're gonna grow fat, sitting at your desk all day!"

"Go!"

* * *

It wasn't a shock that Sherlock returned to pester him, this time dragging their baby sister along with him. Mycroft could hear them coming down the hall, having the same argument he'd heard a hundred times at least.

"Now what did I tell you, Angeline, about physical contact?"

"No hug Shurry?"

"Yes, that and my name is Sherlock."

"Shurry!"

Mycroft heard his little brother groan. "_Sher-lock! _It's not so hard!"

"_Shurry_'s more fun though."

Mycroft heard Sherlock sigh but not argue, as they stood outside his door. "Let us in, Mycroft!"

"I'm still working," he protested. "Go play _The Hobbit_ or whatever you want now."

"Hobbit!" Angeline squealed happily.

"We can't play _Hobbit_ without Gandalf!" Sherlock argued.

"Gandalf doesn't go into Mirkwood, does he?" Mycroft reasoned. "Pretend you're traveling through Mirkwood."

"Alright," Mycroft thought his brother's voice carried a tone of craftiness, but he had no time to ask what Sherlock was plotting before he found out.

Mycroft heard a _thwack_, and looked up from his history book to see that his brother had ran into the duct tape covering the door, sticking himself to it.

"Sherlock! What are you doing?" he stood up.

"Help me, Bilbo! I'm stuck in the spider's webs!" Sherlock cried.

"Bibbo save you!" Angeline screamed.

"Wait, wait, where are you going?" Sherlock shouted after her.

Mycroft sighed and sat back down. "Now you've done it, Sherlock."

"Well are you going to help me out?" Sherlock asked.

"And take the adventure away from Bilbo?" Mycroft smirked. "I wouldn't dream of it."

Sherlock huffed. "Brilliant."

Just then Angeline came running back. "Bibbo got Sting!"

"That's not Sting, Angeline, that's just an umbrell- OW!"

"Bibbo sorry."

* * *

After allowing the two of them to struggle for a while, Mycroft got up and ripped the tape from the doorframe- and his little brother.

"Ow!" Sherlock yelled.

"Shurry and Gandalf are free!" Angeline clapped her hands.

"Quick, run in before he shuts the door again!" said Sherlock, ducking into his brother's room and making a beeline for the desk. He hopped onto Mycroft's desk chair and began examining the papers. "Hey!"

He looked up to see his brother grinning mischievously. "You're all done!"

"Maybe if you'd waited a few minutes more instead of getting yourself trapped, I would've come out sooner." Mycroft shrugged.

"Gandalf play with us now?" Angeline looked up at Mycroft.

"I'm hardly a proper Gandalf, I don't have a staff."

"Use that stupid umbrella," Sherlock grumbled, rubbing the back of his head as an afterthought.

"But that's Sting!" Angeline hugged the umbrella close. "Myles can get his _own_ 'brella!"

"Use my plastic sword for Sting." Sherlock suggested.

Angeline's eyes widened. "But Shurry said _no touch pirate sword._"

Sherlock sighed, leaning back in his chair. "Just this once. And _only_ this once, do you hear?"

Mycroft raised his eyebrows as Angeline ran off giggling with glee. "You really want to get that umbrella out of her hands, don't you?"

"That umbrella is dangerous!" Sherlock glared at the umbrella in question, left at Mycroft's feet.

"So why do you trust me with it?" Mycroft smirked.

"Who doesn't trust Gandalf?" Sherlock's eyes glittered with amusement.

Angeline ran back in, swinging her brother's toy sword. "To the mountain!"

"Wait, I have to get there first!" Sherlock eased himself to the ground and ran past his siblings.

"I'm gonna catch you, Smaug!" Angeline hollered, turning to chase her brother down the hallway.

"That's not what happened in the- OW!"

* * *

*** Okay, that headcanon I did come up with: Myles is short for Mycroft. When Angeline had the twins, though, Sherlock blatantly forbade her from naming her other son after him, so Beckett it was. Why _Beckett_? Because, dear Sherlockians, Beckett is an English name that means_ bee farm._  
**

**A/N: Well that's our little piece. Sorry the pirate thing and the bees thing weren't used more; they've grown into fanon, and we had already planned this bit around _The Hobbit_. We are also looking for canon support for the bees thing What do you guys think? Should we plan on a chapter two?**


	2. Over Hill and Under Hill

**A/N: Oh my gosh, we didn't expect a lot of positive feedback! Thank you all so much! **

**We don't have any claim Sherlock, Artemis Fowl, nor the blog on which this headcanon was found. Also, apologies for not knowing how exactly the British school/grade system works- we tried to work around that, but if we got anything abysmally wrong, please tell us.**

**Now for the long-awaited Chapter Two!**

* * *

Over Hill and Under Hill

* * *

The first sign was Sherlock's uncharicteristic silence on the way home from school.

Mycroft, several grades ahead of him, had to walk him home every day, much to his younger brother's displeasure. Today, however, Sherlock didn't say a word, even when questioned about the impish glint in his eyes. Mycroft's suspicions were roused, but he concentrated on getting his brother back home before the clouds overhead released more than the droplets that hit the pair now.

When they got home, Sherlock greeted their mother, then ran off up the stairs to his room.

"Where are you going?" Mycroft asked.

"To do my homework," was the reply.

Mycroft raised his eyebrows. "I thought you said your homework was 'dull and tedious'?"

His brother shrugged. "So's detention."

"Fair point," Mycroft admitted as his brother left.

"At least he's doing it," Mrs. Holmes shook her head, a weary smile on her face. "It will keep him occupied for a little while. Maybe he won't give you too much trouble."

_And maybe Angeline's fairy tales are real, too,***** _Mycroft thought cynically. Aloud he said "We'll be fine. Where is Angeline, anyway?"

His mother smiled. "Using the dining room table as a hobbit-hole." she sighed. "I hate to leave you."

"It's only one night," Mycroft replyed. "Grandmother's sick. You have to go."

"Alright," she nodded, "Angeline already ate. There's Shepherd's Pie****** on the table. If Sherlock's not hungry make him eat anyway. Your father should be home before bedtime." she hugged her eldest. "Bye!"

"Bye, Mum," Mycroft returned the hug.

"Bye, Angeline!" Mrs. Holmes called.

"Wait!" Mycroft's five-year-old sister raced into the hall, leaping into their mother's arms. "Gotta hug you first."

Mrs. Holmes gently placed Angeline back on the floor. "You listen to your brother, okay?"

"Okay," Angeline replied.

"I'll be home soon, love," she promised. She turned to the stairs and called, "Goodbye, Sherlock!"

"Have a safe trip!" Sherlock yelled from his room.

"Mycroft's in charge!" Mrs. Holmes added.

"Conditionally?" Sherlock asked hopefully.

"No. Rigidly," their mother answered. She gave her daughter one last kiss goodbye, told them to be good, donned her raincoat, then headed out.

"So, what do you want to do?" Mycroft asked, turning to his sister.

"S'not time for an adventure yet," Angeline informed him, "Come back Wednesday."

"Okay," he played along. "How long is that?"

"Seventeen minutes," Angeline said before skipping back to the dining room.

* * *

Mycroft set his backpack down beside his desk. He pulled out his math homework and gave it a quick skim. Of course, like always, it was ridiculusly easy, but, as he always told Sherlock to do, he decided to show his work anyway. He reached into his front backpack pocket to pull out his protractor... which wasn't there. He searched through his other pockets, to no avail. It must have fallen out on the walk. He slammed his book shut and went down the stairs, where Sherlock was exasperatingly trying to explain something to Angeline, who just giggled and muttered "Burrahobbit" to herself repeatedly.

"Are there any protractors in the house?" Mycroft asked his younger siblings.

In response, Sherlock pointed out the window and Angeline giggled harder.

"I'd offer you mine, but it's a liquid now." Sherlock shrugged.

"Oh." Mycroft decided not to ask. "I'll go see if mine is anywhere near the house. You two stay inside."

"Leaving the house?" Sherlock asked with a smirk. "Not very responsible, is it?"

"Gandalf does what he pleases." Mycroft retorted and stepped onto the porch, closing the door behind him.

The first thing he noticed were dark stormclouds circling the sky; it was going to rain hard, and soon. The second thing Mycroft noticed was his protractor lying on the deck, as if placed there, which would explain why Mycroft hadn't heard it fall out.

The third thing he noticed was the click of the lock behind him.

Mycroft whirled around and banged on the door. "_Sherlock! Let me in!_"

In response, the younger Holmes brother stood at the nearest window and made faces at the thoroughly annoyed Mycroft.

"_William Sherlock Scott Holmes!_" Mycroft shouted. "_You let me in right now! It's going to rain!_"

All Mycroft got was an umbrella squeezed through the mail slot and more faces from the window. Once he began picking the lock, however, something thumped against the window from the inside. Mycroft looked, and witnessed Sherlock pummel the window with yet another muffin.*******

"Where did you get those?" Mycroft inquired confusedly.

"Mummy told me to eat Aunt Marci's muffins last Christmas." Sherlock informed his brother through the window. "I didn't. I snuck them into my bag and saved them for just such an occasion. You'll find that they're rock-hard."

"You've been saving those since _Christmas?_"

"They were horrid anyway."

Mycroft was about to say something, but Sherlock then threw another muffin at the window. "I have twenty-nine of these and I'm not going to waste one!" he announced. "Where do we keep the spray paint?"

"Don't!" Mycroft yelled.

"You're no fun." Sherlock sulked.

* * *

The ten minutes outside the locked door felt like an eternity. Mycroft was just considering asking to use the neighbor's phone to call his mother when his brother opened the door.

Sherlock leaned his head out and smiled innocently. "You can come in now."

Mycroft snorted.

"And I know what you're going to say," he added. "I know I'm in deep trouble, but come inside now. Angeline and I have a little game to play."

Mycroft glared, but took the advantage of the chance to get out of the rain, which was pouring now.

"And you're welcome for the umbrella," Sherlock snapped, holding the door open for his elder brother.

"You shouldn't have locked me out in the first place!" Mycroft closed the door forcefully. "Sherlock Holmes, Mummy's going to ground you for a month!"

"Oh probably two," Sherlock was still smiling. "Come on, up to your room you go."

"But-" Mycroft protested as his brother shoved him up the stairs.

He discovered why his brother was so anxious to get him to his room when he saw his desk, abnormally bare of papers.

"SHERLOCK!"

* * *

*** I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. That was shameful. But I do not regret it. I'm keeping it in there. - NP**

**** One of the most awkward questions ever is "what do they eat in England?" My knowledge of British culture comes from Harry Potter, Doctor Who and Sherlock. It was this or fish fingers and custard. - NP**

***** Do you know how awesome it is to come back into the room to find your writing partner smile and say "Can Sherlock throw muffins at the window?" - NP / Do you know how awesome it is when your writing partner says _yes_ to that? - N8 / I bet Moffat and Gatiss do. - NP**

**A/N: This chapter was more fleshed-out than the first one, so we split it in two. The next chapter will be posted before the school year stars for us—meaning we've got until September 2— we won't leave you on a ****cliffie for too long! Reviews are appreciated!**


	3. Burrahobbits

Sherlock and Angeline waited innocently in the kitchen for Mycroft. When he finally did arrive, he decided _not_ to scold Sherlock for leaving his dinner untouched. "_Sherlock. Bloody. Holmes._" he managed, after a pause as he wondered how to put his anger and frustration into one sentence while using as few swear words as possible. "_Where. Is. My. Homework_?"_  
_

"Shurry ate em." Angeline shrugged, using her fingers to draw a smiley face in her Shepherd's Pie.

"I most certainly did _not._" Sherlock huffed, crossing his arms.

"You a dragon." Angeline argued. "Dragons eat homework." She put her arms up, fingers curled to mimic claws. "Rawr!"

"Actually, dragons— if they did exist— would eat large mammals and, on occasion, humans." Sherlock explained, almost without thinking. "They mostly prefer females, and it's commonly thought that this is so because of the extravagant jewelry they wear and-" Sherlock took a quick glance at Angeline, who looked completely mortfied, then realized that he could use this to his advantage. "-and they espesially like little girls who lie about their older brothers."

The youngest Holmes looked ready to cry. "I'm sorry, Shurry!"

Mycroft was not impressed. "My homework, Sherlock."

"Right." Sherlock straightened up, in a buissiness-like manor. "Due to your hobby of shutting yourself in your room-"

"Like a popsickle." Angeline interrupted, having gotten over her horror.

"If you say so, Angeline. In response to this, we have hidden your homework. You must follow the clues left for you. If you try to argue, we shall burn the clues. Isn't that right, Angeline?"

"Burn! Fire! Kill! Slay!" Angeline shouted.

Mycroft shot his siblings a glare of utmoat contempt. Angeline flinched; Sherlock shot one back. Mycroft sighed. "Right. What's the first clue?"

Sherlock smirked. Angeline looked up. "Start in Mirkwood." she muttered, then proceeding to draw a face on Sherlock's dinner.

It took Mycroft a grand total of five seconds to figure this out. He trudged up the stairs to his room, pretending not to hear his siblings snickering behind him.

* * *

A peice of notebook paper was left on his bed. It was rather big, so Mycroft figured that, if they only used one page, this hunt wouldn't last long. Only two words were on the paper- _Hobbit Hole. _Mycroft sat down on his bed, thinking. _Hobbit hole. _He could've sworn he'd heard that today. He puzzled on it for a bit, then it hit him. "_Where's Angeline?" "Turning the kitchen table into a hobbit hole._" He ran back down to the kitchen. Sherlock and Angeline were gone, abandoning their dinner, and Mycroft didn't see any note. He sighed and crawled under the table, bumping his head as he did so. He looked up at the bottom of the table, and saw another piece of paper taped to it.

_Roast Mutton. _

Mycroft ran through that section of the book in his head. Trolls. Sun. Stalling. Burrahobbit. Day. Turning to stone. Trolls again. Anything that came to mind ran through his head several times before he got up and decided to check for any specific words in the book. He grabbed their copy of _The Hobbit_ off of the shelf and flipped through it, only to find the next clue wedged between two pages- one of them being the one with the "Burrahobbit" quote. _That was a little uncreative. _Mycroft thought. Still, he read the next clue. _Dragon's Den. _Mycroft groaned. Of course they would hide the homework in the most obvious place- in Sherlock's room, probably under the bed.

Unfortunately, when Mycroft reached Sherlock's unusually neat room, the only thing under said brother's bed was a fold-up experiment kit and a skull that he had inexplicably gained years ago. Mycroft stormed downstairs, where Sherlock and Angeline were preparing them all tea. "Where's my homework?" he demanded. "It wasn't under the bed."

Sherlock looked worriedly at Angeline. "Angeline, I told you to put the homework under my bed."

"Oops."

"Well then," Sherlock asked calmly, "Well, then, where _did_ you put it?"

Angeline shrugged. "I dunno."

"How do you not know? You're the one who hid it."

"I forgot."

Mycroft sighed. "Well, if I can't do my homework, we can have this tea by the fire. Come on."

"Shurry can light it!"

"_I am not a dragon!_"

* * *

The sat in silence by the warm fire. Mycroft reluctantly, Sherlock smugly, and Angeline cheerfully.

"Sherlock, what are those wisps of paper?" Mycroft asked.

"I don't know," Sherlock said. "It's not the newspaper, the paper's too thin."

Angeline pursed her lips, deep in thought. Suddenly, her eyes lit up, she broke into a joyous grin, and exclaimed with pride, "Myles I remember where I hid your homework!"

Mycroft stared in shock at the fireplace.

Sherlock, sensing how this situation might end, grabbed his little sister's hand. "It's time to play _Hobbit_ again. Mycroft's turn to be Smaug."

Angeline frowned. "But you make a good dragon."

"Run."

"SHERLOCK!"

* * *

A/N: Why does my spellcheck recognize "Shurry"?!

Anyway, here's the tying-up of last chapter's plot thread. I hope it was satisfying. Please review!


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